Friends came down over valentines day weekend. I gotta say, it's pretty cool to have someone still able to tolerate you well enough that they still come by years after college is over (for them) I feel like I have a couple of xtra siblings....

Anyhow, no real new news. Trying to figure out what my future plans will be after graduation. I HAVE to get out of wichita. The plan originally was stay for another year and get my masters, then move. Family is behind this idea. With spring on it's way, however, I am once again getting itchy to get out of here. Want to check out kck or dallas area. I hear dallas area IT is starting to pick up again. kcmo is out of the question because of cost of living...at least so I think now. There is also the option in the back of my head of going to japan as a JET instructor. I would REALLY like that, especially if I could parlay it into something where I got to stay there for good. I was planning on pursuing this after master's program, but again, thinking of trying to pursue it earlier. I am also starting to get cold feet about master's program. I do not know exactly what a masters of management information system does, but it makes me think of data analysts, and that is something I have no real interest in. I enjoy hardware, networking (administration), security, and maybe programming. Those are the fields I'd like to tackle. If I HAD to, I definetely wouldn't sneer at an analysts job, or database admin. I just don't have any interest (or aptitude I think) for it. Still deathly afraid of getting done, and not having skills necessary to even get a foothold here. I used to be good, but in the last few years, I have not been keeping current with much of the computer field. Hell, I'm still running a 750 duron box.... The only cool thing is that I understand coding ALOT better in the past year and a half, and apparently have the patience to figure it out. C/C++ still eludes me on some things, but with more exposure to it, I think I'd be ok. Visual Basic is so fun and easy, I can understand why people tend to turn their noses up at it (and maybe anything else microsoft?) I've SEEN java and worked with those some, not scared of .php or good ol cgi either.

So, problem remains, what do I do after I graduate? Interestingly, my lease on the house comes up at the same time. I also have to figure out what to do with the camaros, and the truck. The 73 goes in storage, this is a given. The truck, much as I like it, would be for sale in a heartbeat. The Z is where I have trouble. I should sell it, but don't wanna. I know I wouldnt get what I wanted for it, nor is it likely that it would go anywhere except for maybe the dirt track or the crusher. It's just a car, but it's the closest thing I have to my dream car. Lately, I've even been wondering if I should give up on my dream of a t-top 2nd gen. God knows I fall over the 3rd and 4th gen eqivalents. they are everywhere. And, there is the gas question. Wherever I go, I will need a gas efficient car in very short order for daily driving.

So, not only am I broke, I'm worrying about my future. yah, I think I need to leave the cars alone for a while

Statistics still kicking my ass, but I did my best. Snow mostly melted today, then it got grey and started snowing early this eveing. Got rid of cable modem again. I HATE cox. will probably get withdrawal and get it again in a coupla weeks...but while I'm poor and got 3 vehicles to pour money into, it's not a priority. Gotta get a new pc too....duron 750 with mismatched ram and tnt2 card ain't cuttin it anymore....

Been a while, folks. Thinking about getting out of the car hobby for a while. Been spending WAY too much money. statistics is officially kicking my ass. I hope I have absorbed enuf over the weekend to pass the test in a coupla hours. Can't get icq2go to work here at the lab cause of the damn virtual machine. [charlton heston]damn java, and damn microsoft all to hell.....[/charlton heston]

Cant think of anything else important....it's cold, had to dig truck out of snow this morning, did I mention it's cold?

Zoom In!
Been a while since I updated....thought winter break would be boring...it's been anything but. I had been trying to figure out how in the hell I was gonna pay for camaro stuff and school (as usual) Now that I've decided to go ahead and get masters, I got a whole nother year in this boring town. I had been thinking of giving up on my dream of going to japan, and just moving to texas or kc or something. The more I think about it though, I think I'm gonna go ahead and take a leap of faith. I mean, it's unlikely I'll ever get the chance again if I give up. That gives me about a year to save up and prepare. I'm going to have to haul ass.

I have also decided that I'm tired of trying to live a normal life. I am and always have been an intellectual. Trying to be anything else has just gotten me in trouble. It's a given that I don't think like everyone else, and I'm different. Monday instructor summed it up for me nicely: You don't see too many folks like me trying to make a living as a computer nerd...never mind anything else intellectual. That really made me think, which is apparently a first in a great long while. Instead of crying about being bored all the time, I need to do what I originally did....LEARN.

Some other interesting stuff:

www.scottsain.com----My friends website, for his comic/graphic novel venture. Xmas present from me. Keep an eye on it, I expect some good things in the future.

www.rachthegoat.com---His girlfriends (and one of my other best friends) site, expect cool things from this place as well.

As I turn toward academia in earnest, instead of trying to hurry the hell up and graduate, the cars will probably be put on hold. I hope that will not be so, but we shall see....

Happy New year folks. Fever finally broke last nite, I think, and I have been antsy to get out and enjoy some of this beautiful weather we've been having the whole time I was sick. I was not able to get sloshed on new years, nor enjoy it in any traditional sense, but I DID double up on the nyquil and had a great nites sleep.

Local news, the head qb for kstate is being accused of rape and sexual assualt. This is happening in arizona mere days before they're supposed to play at the fiesta bowl. Oddly enough, the team has had no bad deeds on it's record, and is supposed to have "high standards" Interesting, huh? He hasn't been charged with anything, but everyone's dying to find out if he'll still be able to play.

Last nite, came across some intersting links. Mostly samurai and feudal japanese history stuff. I'm so very happy. Even though history isn't in my career plans anymore, I still love the stuff. Will post links later.

Haven't ranted in a while. X-mas was cool, I didn't have to kill anybody. Spent a coupla days with my kid brother, the youngest and most often ignored of the tribe. Now I'm sitting here sick from the flu that kid brother and sister were getting over. yeah. Saw a video at madmike's place today, about some stupid teeny bopper "import" folks. Mr2 driver was fooling around on a street, took off, turned, hopped the curb, BARELY missed lightpole and a yellow civic or something, then hit a VW or whatever it was. Stupidity at its best. Thank god I've never had much interest in the streetracing "lets sit around and pretend were grown up and cool" scene. Still broke, waiting for school to start back up so I can hurry and get these last 6 mos under my belt and finally get this frickin degree.

I THINK I was gonna put some thought provoking piece of personal philosophy here. I know with school out I've been doing a lot of thinking...been watching a lot of thought provoking anime....like .hack//sign. I have crammed in so much anime in the last coupla weeks, I'm almost sick of it...but not sick of manga, for some reason. In any case, I was trying to change the depressing tone my blog has once again taken...but now I have lost my train of thought. I believe that means its time for nyquil and some sleep. goodnite.

http://drgoat.blogspot.com/ Another random link that caught my eye when logging in today. On to the rant.

My main beef is with life itself, I think. Why does it have to be so damn hard, and why is it that so many people are always looking to pull you down? Not too many years ago, I didn't worry about this much, or if I did, I sure as hell didn't worry on it long. But then again, not too many years ago, I had books, videogames, and computers that I was always sticking my nose in, and didn't have to worry about bills, and stuff that I do now. I think, in the short path from my early twenties to my mid/late twenties, I've grown too cautious. When you're in your teens, early twenties, nothing can keep you down for long, and you don't really have a fear of death or failure. In other words, you're still stupid from being full of hormones. ;)

Yesterday, after relaxing and taking in a movie, I felt like my old "self" for a rare moment. It felt good. I think it is very true that if you can keep looking yourself in the mirror everyday, then your'e doing good. As an adult, I have tried hard to have some integrity, and to do the right thing, even if it bit me in the butt. Unfortunately, it seems not too many people (esp in Wichita) share this ideal. One thing I have learned since being here is forgiveness. Used to be if someone screwed me, they made a lifelong enemy. I learned the hard way that sometimes its best to let things go. At the time, I never understood that if I had the discipline to keep from doing stuff that was obviously stupid, or potentially hurtful of others, how other people could go right ahead and do that same stuff without blinking.

Now that I've got that feeling back, I've got to take advantage and do the most I can, while I can.

six months till I get my degree, if I can take the heat, and keep up. Cant afford messups or depression now.

Looking at some of my fellow bloggers site's today, and came across this :site It's in japanese, try translating it through babelfish Kinda tired, still playing catchup from sleep dep from last coupla days. Saw Last Samurai tonite, I liked it. It IS based on a true story, although I do no know/remember whether tom cruise's character was real. I kinda doubt it, but I could be wrong. Watanabe Ken was the man.

On a personal note (which is what THIS blog is for) I think that if I stop with the neverending waves of self pity and self doubt, I might get somewhere in this world. The past is past, so I need to stop thinking about that, as well. Had been going thru the motions those last coupla weeks of class, albeit with more determination and less self pity and depression than previously. I just gotta have faith in myself and my beliefs, try to be wise, and most importantly, keep learning when to shut the hell up. ;)

Finished final project, final project presentation, and final program project outline. All I needed to do was spend the last 3 days working on it nonstop. Take delievery of big block tomorrow. Have some things to worry about, but too damn tired at the moment. For now all is good with the world. Ja ne.

Way of the Samurai. Get it. Now.
Went to EB today with an armful of dvd's and ps1 & 2 games. Mostly classic stuff, and movies from the beginning of the year. I didn't expect much. Expected more than $25 lousy bux in trade-in value tho. Thus EB makes yet another game's butt raw. So, I got way of the samurai because I heard it was a good game from some reviews I stumbled across while googling. Get home with it, and nearly 4 hours later, I finally come up for air to write this blog. THAT, my friends is how good it is. Video game crack in it's most potent form. For those few of us who new and appreciated BUSHIDO BLADE, it is like that, mixed with some soulcalibur, yojimbo and just a dash of anime thrown in. I will refrain from reviews, or description, since that's been done already. All I WILL say is that as I play the game, visions of my fav samurai flicks dance through my head, and I can actually act like my favorite character (I liked Sanjuro) Anyhow, its a free system, which means you can do whatever you want, good guy, villian, etc. You can try being crafty, brave(and foolish), disinterested, whatever. Be warned, you will die many, many, many times in this game....it encourages you to die like a "real" samurai, bloody, but true to your principles, or not, depending on how you play it.
Other news: Saw part of the Battlestar Galactica remake today. All the reviews were right, it sucked. The 15 minutes I saw was mostly people whining. Not in fear for their lives....just....whining. "Our planet blew up, this sucks!" seemed to be the attitude. No one was grief stricken, it was like watching spoiled brats reluctantly reciting their lines. No shock, no horror, no togetherness. This shit is NOT Battlestar Galactica.
Back to the samurai stuff. While playing that game, I came to the conclusion that the "way of the samurai" isn't dead. See, the "samurai code" was just like our ethics and cultural mores of today. It didn't mean that all folks of the samurai class followed it, it was a summary of beliefs that everyone thought was the "right way" to live their life. Much like "good people" today pay their taxes, obey the law, and don't kill in anger. (yeah, right) In 1878, the way of the samurai had become pretty much illegal. The gov. had decided to shed their feudal ways and become a republic. If you were a samurai at that time, you either clung to your old ways, or you started anew. Anyhow, to kill a ramble of potentially epic proportions, I believe that my friends and I, twenty something college grads (or at least folks of college grad age) are our generations version of samurai: Upon graduation, or at least striking out to start our own lives, we lose the patronage of our "house" Our parents/family no longer care for us/are responsible for us. We must make our own way in the world. Do we embrace anarchy and bite, backstab, claw our way to whatever fate we get with ruthless abandon? Do we try to stay true to our own "warrior code" and value honor and integrity in a world seemingly chaotic and turned upon it's head? How do we live? What do we do? The last samurai (no I haven't seen it yet, dammit) of the late 19th century had to decide what they were going to do with their lives. In this age, with economy going crazy, prices, values (both monetary and psychological) in constant flux, there does indeed seem to be a parallel. In short, one has to choose to either FIGHT the monster (within?) or BECOME the monster. One must either help, hinder, or GTF out of the way....

I hate freeloaders. I dropped outta college and everything I knew to run home a hundred miles south because my mom needed me. All I've gotten in the 4 long years since is drama and b.s. from my family. When Ineed help, everyone is too busy. But when someone needs their computer or car fixed, all of a sudden everybody has their hand out, and I'm just supposed to volunteer my money, parts and time to fix their junk. I now wholeheartedly understand why so many mechanics are surly and antisocial. Nobody can be straight with you, everyone always has to try to find an "angle" or something. All I get in this town are people trying to get me to give them money for some investment, or women or "long lost cousins" trying to move into MY house that I've busted ass for. God help me if something happens and I ever get hurt...

Things are looking up tho. Delivery of big block is this weekend, and things are picking up in the tech sector. Maybe I can finally stop being "overqualified". Might have a chance at a programming job, and also might have a chance at a teaching job locally. If I stay here for ANOTHER year, that is. But, I think shooting for my master's is probably the best thing I could do. Gonna finish up on the stuff that I'm doing now, but I really think that's what I'm gonna do. After that, priority is getting out of this city at full speed. Tired of shady people trying to hustle me all the time.

Ok. paper WASNT due tonite, just regular old classwork. Thank goodness. Mainly usability survey for PGP stuff. Nothing much important happened, found out my instructor of the last month was a former classmate at juco. I don't remember the man, but then again, the class we shared was accounting. I remember nothing from accounting, except for the tortuous final. This was the mid/late 90's, so we were still doing accounting by hand. None of that computerized stuff. I also missed alot of class, because my student government meeting was at the same time. So, I was given video tapes by the instructor, and every night I would watch these things, go to sleep within the first 5 minutes, and wake up, and play it again, only to go to sleep...AGAIN. You could say that the only reason I passed that class was through osmosis and determination. I also don't remember much about that time because I was working 32 hours/week as a cashier at a dept store, 20 hours a week on campus as a computer nerd, time outta class doing student senate, carrying 18 hours at juco, and had a girlfriend on the side. Yah, I was an overachiever.....
usability survey seemed to be a project for instructors' master's program. I thought you had to HAVE a masters to teach there....hmmm.....Anyhow, master's program doesn't seem real bad, I may go for it. I better decide real quick, because program starts a month after my projected graduation date.....

Wierd....for some reason blogger didn't post my dec 7 post. Ah well. Nervous, because as I do my piddling bit of homework before class today, I see today as the last class on the syllabus. Hope to Goodness that's not true, because if so, I got a five page paper (that determines my grade) that I haven't even touched yet. But according to the syllabus, we have one more homework assignment, so maybe I'm wrong?
Good News: FOUND BUSHIDO BLADE!!!! Bushido Blade was the best fighter ever made for original playstation. Kinda like soulcalibur, but lots more realistic, complete with great arenas that looked like they came straight out of a chambara (samurai flick) movie. My friends and I would play this game for hours on end, just to see the cool deaths....;) They made a sequel, which sucked, of course, but that's not the point. I hear there's an (older now) game on ps2 called way of the samurai that sounds promising. There was another I found at EB that looked good too, but now can't find it. Will have to keep looking....

Winter jitters is killing me already. I gotta stay on course. Tired of being broke. Not liking the way my life is in general right now. Not liking my family much either ;) Reformats suck, just to let you know. I thought I was prepared, but after lending out so many times, my xp cd was scratched to hell, and so was the backup. Had to switch between the two to get back up and running. ONLY took me a whole day to find my office cd. NOW, I can't find my 2nd Initial D cd, and I'm tripping out. I know all I have to do is get them again, but that's not the POINT......Also tired out from all these allniters and early mornings....gotta get back on a regular schedule. So I guess I better go to bed now....

Just a quick, 5:13 in the GOD DAMN MORNING note: Clam Chowder in a can is very bad for you. Very, Very Bad. That is all....

In an "I hate hypocrites" mood, and was gonna rant about that today, but maybe later.
Right now it's 3am, and I finally got done reformatting pc. It's been needing it for the past 2 1/2 years, I just kept putting it off. Now, I really need to replace this sucker, but it has been so good and trustworthy, I dont really wanna. I got out of the endless rounds of upgrading when I started the car hobby, and even tho hardware is DIRT cheap now, I still am reluctant to start again. Maybe when I (hopefully) have a running camaro in the spring, I will see about getting some new boxen.....
Other news: Big Block is out of the machine shop! Now it merely awaits assembly and delivery....

Go Gozilla Go!!!
Still listening to my jpop.... New Initial D Stage 4 is supposed to come out (in japan) feb 04. There is also supposed to be a new movie....live action, I believe. So, I will soon have my initial d fix...along with millions other fans worldwide. Here's the link
I have also found out that jpop and especially eurobeat & para para (the type of music initial d comes from) is like $30 a pop. EXPENSIVE. They also have like 20-30 songs a disk tho. Depending on how long they are...still expensive. I swear, one day, I'll be able to get all this stuff, brokedness be damned.
Found out today mom finally got her spark plug wires and blower fixed. Now she has heat, and shouldn't cut out at intersections anymore. Hopefully I won't get anymore shrill 8am calls to come get her NOW when I'm still drunk and running on only 3.5 hours of sleep.....during finals week.
Starting to see GOOD cosplay costumes on some of the anime sites. Of course there are still many folks that look like they half-assed it (If you're gonna dress up as your favorite anime character in front of thousands of folks you don't know, at least TRY to look as much like them as possible) Still feel bad for not completing my kid brother's "dragonball z" armour. I WILL go to a con this year....no matter what. Considering getting back into larps and smacking people around with the ol foam sword again....but most probably not.
Sometimes I feel like I wasted so much of my childhood and adulthood trying to take care of my mom, and "do the right thing" It's really hard to relax and have fun sometimes. Especially when bills start looming. I know I'll never get lost time back, so I try to enjoy life as much as I can. Much more satisfying than being depressed on being broke (and trying to get two cars running) all the time. Last Samurai comes out tomorrow, and I know I MUST see that.
Still feeling hyped. Thinking about taking a drive and wandering around other humans. Not a good idea in the middle of Xmas shopping season, but being in the house doing homework all the damn time sucks.

Lost into the Night
Yah, unless you're used to engrish and jpop, that title probably makes no sense. Still, jpop music (most ESPECIALLY para para) is the coolest stuff in the world to me right now....kinda like a combination of old disco with modern pop. Indeed, there's been remixes to most of the famous american pop and disco songs in jpop somewhere. I am especially addicted to anything on any of the initialD soundtracks. I know most all of them by heart now, except for the battle stage soundtrack (battle stage is the last initiald movie....so far) As soon as I have a camaro running, I will be doing nothing but bumping jpop, day in and day out. Not too different, since that's all i did in my old toyota truck, even tho it was NOT a go fast vehicle. I'm especially excited now, at 6am, cause I knocked out around 6 pm, got up at 3, and been awake watching anime (Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist) and obtaining the Battle Stage soundtrack off my favorite P2P. Now I'm listening to the old intiald tracks that I've been listening to since 2000. Still not old. Had a break for about 4 months though, so that may be it.
Been thinking about picking up an import again to play with. Knowing I don't have money to fix the two camaros, this makes no damn sense, but hey, I'm a guy. I'm not supposed to make sense...just kick butt and take names. I'm babbling now, but very happy....finally have complete intial d soundtrack....yay! Later.

Shit happens....
Wouldn't you know, shit always happens RIGHT after you have a halfway decent day? Went to bed feeling nice and fuzzy around 4:30 a.m. Then get a call from mom promptly at 9a.m. 'Burb won't start. Was still drunk enough to say "I'll be right there" I KNOW it's just a spark plug wire, that she doesn't want to get fixed...along with her bad fuel pump, and the other day I saw her exhaust hanging down on the rear diff. She's tearing the poor thing up....Anyhow, inbetween the frantic "hurry up" calls, and getting my own beast warmed up, I finally get to the intersection (on the OTHER side of town) and then she's already gone. Just then I get the call...."Oh, it started again, so I pulled into the parking lot" Now, I'm hung over, pissed, and have to take a final in another hour. Great. I tell you, blog, it was a mistake EVER admitting to my family that I was learning how to fix on my own cars. I'm not gonna let the family screw me for thousands of bux of free parts and labor like with the computer situation tho. Enough is enough.

Edit: Got to class, and instructor is a no show because of car problems....interesting....

Magic Hammer!!!!
I stressed way too much over my flash class. Worried that losing all my projects and having to start over from scratch was gonna fail me. Far from it. Final is a take home test, and the projects, while a hefty portion of my grade, won't kill me. I am such an idiot. Well, now that THAT stress is outta the way, I can start worrying about my other classes, and what I'm gonna do to keep myself occupied over the winter. Thank god I didn't take an additional class like I started to.
Thru watching MUCHO anime over turkey day break, I have come to be once again amused by the way japanese folks pronounce english words. Some Fanboys (and Girls) think that honor rests soley with japanese of the female persuasion, but I think it far surpasses the gender gap. Some people, especially some of the "Engrish" crowd kinda groan, but I think it's kinda interesting how Western culture permeates japanese society and thought, much like Japanese thought permeates Anime fan & Otaku society. Wierd, huh? I went over to mom's house, and got to see Samurai III (That's the third part of the Mifune trilogy about Musashi Miyamoto) I had seen the first 2 many years ago, but had never quite finished the 3rd. It is mostly drama (dorama) and low (but not completely lacking) in the action department. Still a good flick to watch, especially if you're a japanese history buff.
Well, now I've done my homework, watched some tv, and blogged. Now it's time to get to the drinkin'