Looking at some of my fellow bloggers site's today, and came across this :site It's in japanese, try translating it through babelfish Kinda tired, still playing catchup from sleep dep from last coupla days. Saw Last Samurai tonite, I liked it. It IS based on a true story, although I do no know/remember whether tom cruise's character was real. I kinda doubt it, but I could be wrong. Watanabe Ken was the man.

On a personal note (which is what THIS blog is for) I think that if I stop with the neverending waves of self pity and self doubt, I might get somewhere in this world. The past is past, so I need to stop thinking about that, as well. Had been going thru the motions those last coupla weeks of class, albeit with more determination and less self pity and depression than previously. I just gotta have faith in myself and my beliefs, try to be wise, and most importantly, keep learning when to shut the hell up. ;)

Finished final project, final project presentation, and final program project outline. All I needed to do was spend the last 3 days working on it nonstop. Take delievery of big block tomorrow. Have some things to worry about, but too damn tired at the moment. For now all is good with the world. Ja ne.

Way of the Samurai. Get it. Now.
Went to EB today with an armful of dvd's and ps1 & 2 games. Mostly classic stuff, and movies from the beginning of the year. I didn't expect much. Expected more than $25 lousy bux in trade-in value tho. Thus EB makes yet another game's butt raw. So, I got way of the samurai because I heard it was a good game from some reviews I stumbled across while googling. Get home with it, and nearly 4 hours later, I finally come up for air to write this blog. THAT, my friends is how good it is. Video game crack in it's most potent form. For those few of us who new and appreciated BUSHIDO BLADE, it is like that, mixed with some soulcalibur, yojimbo and just a dash of anime thrown in. I will refrain from reviews, or description, since that's been done already. All I WILL say is that as I play the game, visions of my fav samurai flicks dance through my head, and I can actually act like my favorite character (I liked Sanjuro) Anyhow, its a free system, which means you can do whatever you want, good guy, villian, etc. You can try being crafty, brave(and foolish), disinterested, whatever. Be warned, you will die many, many, many times in this game....it encourages you to die like a "real" samurai, bloody, but true to your principles, or not, depending on how you play it.
Other news: Saw part of the Battlestar Galactica remake today. All the reviews were right, it sucked. The 15 minutes I saw was mostly people whining. Not in fear for their lives....just....whining. "Our planet blew up, this sucks!" seemed to be the attitude. No one was grief stricken, it was like watching spoiled brats reluctantly reciting their lines. No shock, no horror, no togetherness. This shit is NOT Battlestar Galactica.
Back to the samurai stuff. While playing that game, I came to the conclusion that the "way of the samurai" isn't dead. See, the "samurai code" was just like our ethics and cultural mores of today. It didn't mean that all folks of the samurai class followed it, it was a summary of beliefs that everyone thought was the "right way" to live their life. Much like "good people" today pay their taxes, obey the law, and don't kill in anger. (yeah, right) In 1878, the way of the samurai had become pretty much illegal. The gov. had decided to shed their feudal ways and become a republic. If you were a samurai at that time, you either clung to your old ways, or you started anew. Anyhow, to kill a ramble of potentially epic proportions, I believe that my friends and I, twenty something college grads (or at least folks of college grad age) are our generations version of samurai: Upon graduation, or at least striking out to start our own lives, we lose the patronage of our "house" Our parents/family no longer care for us/are responsible for us. We must make our own way in the world. Do we embrace anarchy and bite, backstab, claw our way to whatever fate we get with ruthless abandon? Do we try to stay true to our own "warrior code" and value honor and integrity in a world seemingly chaotic and turned upon it's head? How do we live? What do we do? The last samurai (no I haven't seen it yet, dammit) of the late 19th century had to decide what they were going to do with their lives. In this age, with economy going crazy, prices, values (both monetary and psychological) in constant flux, there does indeed seem to be a parallel. In short, one has to choose to either FIGHT the monster (within?) or BECOME the monster. One must either help, hinder, or GTF out of the way....

I hate freeloaders. I dropped outta college and everything I knew to run home a hundred miles south because my mom needed me. All I've gotten in the 4 long years since is drama and b.s. from my family. When Ineed help, everyone is too busy. But when someone needs their computer or car fixed, all of a sudden everybody has their hand out, and I'm just supposed to volunteer my money, parts and time to fix their junk. I now wholeheartedly understand why so many mechanics are surly and antisocial. Nobody can be straight with you, everyone always has to try to find an "angle" or something. All I get in this town are people trying to get me to give them money for some investment, or women or "long lost cousins" trying to move into MY house that I've busted ass for. God help me if something happens and I ever get hurt...

Things are looking up tho. Delivery of big block is this weekend, and things are picking up in the tech sector. Maybe I can finally stop being "overqualified". Might have a chance at a programming job, and also might have a chance at a teaching job locally. If I stay here for ANOTHER year, that is. But, I think shooting for my master's is probably the best thing I could do. Gonna finish up on the stuff that I'm doing now, but I really think that's what I'm gonna do. After that, priority is getting out of this city at full speed. Tired of shady people trying to hustle me all the time.

Ok. paper WASNT due tonite, just regular old classwork. Thank goodness. Mainly usability survey for PGP stuff. Nothing much important happened, found out my instructor of the last month was a former classmate at juco. I don't remember the man, but then again, the class we shared was accounting. I remember nothing from accounting, except for the tortuous final. This was the mid/late 90's, so we were still doing accounting by hand. None of that computerized stuff. I also missed alot of class, because my student government meeting was at the same time. So, I was given video tapes by the instructor, and every night I would watch these things, go to sleep within the first 5 minutes, and wake up, and play it again, only to go to sleep...AGAIN. You could say that the only reason I passed that class was through osmosis and determination. I also don't remember much about that time because I was working 32 hours/week as a cashier at a dept store, 20 hours a week on campus as a computer nerd, time outta class doing student senate, carrying 18 hours at juco, and had a girlfriend on the side. Yah, I was an overachiever.....
usability survey seemed to be a project for instructors' master's program. I thought you had to HAVE a masters to teach there....hmmm.....Anyhow, master's program doesn't seem real bad, I may go for it. I better decide real quick, because program starts a month after my projected graduation date.....

Wierd....for some reason blogger didn't post my dec 7 post. Ah well. Nervous, because as I do my piddling bit of homework before class today, I see today as the last class on the syllabus. Hope to Goodness that's not true, because if so, I got a five page paper (that determines my grade) that I haven't even touched yet. But according to the syllabus, we have one more homework assignment, so maybe I'm wrong?
Good News: FOUND BUSHIDO BLADE!!!! Bushido Blade was the best fighter ever made for original playstation. Kinda like soulcalibur, but lots more realistic, complete with great arenas that looked like they came straight out of a chambara (samurai flick) movie. My friends and I would play this game for hours on end, just to see the cool deaths....;) They made a sequel, which sucked, of course, but that's not the point. I hear there's an (older now) game on ps2 called way of the samurai that sounds promising. There was another I found at EB that looked good too, but now can't find it. Will have to keep looking....

Winter jitters is killing me already. I gotta stay on course. Tired of being broke. Not liking the way my life is in general right now. Not liking my family much either ;) Reformats suck, just to let you know. I thought I was prepared, but after lending out so many times, my xp cd was scratched to hell, and so was the backup. Had to switch between the two to get back up and running. ONLY took me a whole day to find my office cd. NOW, I can't find my 2nd Initial D cd, and I'm tripping out. I know all I have to do is get them again, but that's not the POINT......Also tired out from all these allniters and early mornings....gotta get back on a regular schedule. So I guess I better go to bed now....

Just a quick, 5:13 in the GOD DAMN MORNING note: Clam Chowder in a can is very bad for you. Very, Very Bad. That is all....

In an "I hate hypocrites" mood, and was gonna rant about that today, but maybe later.
Right now it's 3am, and I finally got done reformatting pc. It's been needing it for the past 2 1/2 years, I just kept putting it off. Now, I really need to replace this sucker, but it has been so good and trustworthy, I dont really wanna. I got out of the endless rounds of upgrading when I started the car hobby, and even tho hardware is DIRT cheap now, I still am reluctant to start again. Maybe when I (hopefully) have a running camaro in the spring, I will see about getting some new boxen.....
Other news: Big Block is out of the machine shop! Now it merely awaits assembly and delivery....

Go Gozilla Go!!!
Still listening to my jpop.... New Initial D Stage 4 is supposed to come out (in japan) feb 04. There is also supposed to be a new movie....live action, I believe. So, I will soon have my initial d fix...along with millions other fans worldwide. Here's the link
I have also found out that jpop and especially eurobeat & para para (the type of music initial d comes from) is like $30 a pop. EXPENSIVE. They also have like 20-30 songs a disk tho. Depending on how long they are...still expensive. I swear, one day, I'll be able to get all this stuff, brokedness be damned.
Found out today mom finally got her spark plug wires and blower fixed. Now she has heat, and shouldn't cut out at intersections anymore. Hopefully I won't get anymore shrill 8am calls to come get her NOW when I'm still drunk and running on only 3.5 hours of sleep.....during finals week.
Starting to see GOOD cosplay costumes on some of the anime sites. Of course there are still many folks that look like they half-assed it (If you're gonna dress up as your favorite anime character in front of thousands of folks you don't know, at least TRY to look as much like them as possible) Still feel bad for not completing my kid brother's "dragonball z" armour. I WILL go to a con this year....no matter what. Considering getting back into larps and smacking people around with the ol foam sword again....but most probably not.
Sometimes I feel like I wasted so much of my childhood and adulthood trying to take care of my mom, and "do the right thing" It's really hard to relax and have fun sometimes. Especially when bills start looming. I know I'll never get lost time back, so I try to enjoy life as much as I can. Much more satisfying than being depressed on being broke (and trying to get two cars running) all the time. Last Samurai comes out tomorrow, and I know I MUST see that.
Still feeling hyped. Thinking about taking a drive and wandering around other humans. Not a good idea in the middle of Xmas shopping season, but being in the house doing homework all the damn time sucks.

Lost into the Night
Yah, unless you're used to engrish and jpop, that title probably makes no sense. Still, jpop music (most ESPECIALLY para para) is the coolest stuff in the world to me right now....kinda like a combination of old disco with modern pop. Indeed, there's been remixes to most of the famous american pop and disco songs in jpop somewhere. I am especially addicted to anything on any of the initialD soundtracks. I know most all of them by heart now, except for the battle stage soundtrack (battle stage is the last initiald movie....so far) As soon as I have a camaro running, I will be doing nothing but bumping jpop, day in and day out. Not too different, since that's all i did in my old toyota truck, even tho it was NOT a go fast vehicle. I'm especially excited now, at 6am, cause I knocked out around 6 pm, got up at 3, and been awake watching anime (Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist) and obtaining the Battle Stage soundtrack off my favorite P2P. Now I'm listening to the old intiald tracks that I've been listening to since 2000. Still not old. Had a break for about 4 months though, so that may be it.
Been thinking about picking up an import again to play with. Knowing I don't have money to fix the two camaros, this makes no damn sense, but hey, I'm a guy. I'm not supposed to make sense...just kick butt and take names. I'm babbling now, but very happy....finally have complete intial d soundtrack....yay! Later.

Shit happens....
Wouldn't you know, shit always happens RIGHT after you have a halfway decent day? Went to bed feeling nice and fuzzy around 4:30 a.m. Then get a call from mom promptly at 9a.m. 'Burb won't start. Was still drunk enough to say "I'll be right there" I KNOW it's just a spark plug wire, that she doesn't want to get fixed...along with her bad fuel pump, and the other day I saw her exhaust hanging down on the rear diff. She's tearing the poor thing up....Anyhow, inbetween the frantic "hurry up" calls, and getting my own beast warmed up, I finally get to the intersection (on the OTHER side of town) and then she's already gone. Just then I get the call...."Oh, it started again, so I pulled into the parking lot" Now, I'm hung over, pissed, and have to take a final in another hour. Great. I tell you, blog, it was a mistake EVER admitting to my family that I was learning how to fix on my own cars. I'm not gonna let the family screw me for thousands of bux of free parts and labor like with the computer situation tho. Enough is enough.

Edit: Got to class, and instructor is a no show because of car problems....interesting....

Magic Hammer!!!!
I stressed way too much over my flash class. Worried that losing all my projects and having to start over from scratch was gonna fail me. Far from it. Final is a take home test, and the projects, while a hefty portion of my grade, won't kill me. I am such an idiot. Well, now that THAT stress is outta the way, I can start worrying about my other classes, and what I'm gonna do to keep myself occupied over the winter. Thank god I didn't take an additional class like I started to.
Thru watching MUCHO anime over turkey day break, I have come to be once again amused by the way japanese folks pronounce english words. Some Fanboys (and Girls) think that honor rests soley with japanese of the female persuasion, but I think it far surpasses the gender gap. Some people, especially some of the "Engrish" crowd kinda groan, but I think it's kinda interesting how Western culture permeates japanese society and thought, much like Japanese thought permeates Anime fan & Otaku society. Wierd, huh? I went over to mom's house, and got to see Samurai III (That's the third part of the Mifune trilogy about Musashi Miyamoto) I had seen the first 2 many years ago, but had never quite finished the 3rd. It is mostly drama (dorama) and low (but not completely lacking) in the action department. Still a good flick to watch, especially if you're a japanese history buff.
Well, now I've done my homework, watched some tv, and blogged. Now it's time to get to the drinkin'

On the anime front: Onegai Twins kicks much butt.

Thanksgiving....The older I get, the less I understand my family. After I wrote the previous blog I felt it was a bit depressing, and it's not that bad...esp not compared to some...but still. In any case, Turkey day was alright. Went amazingly well in fact, for something that was thrown together at the last minute. "Hosted" by my lazy, alcoholic, freeloading great uncle, taken care of by his siblings. Hmm. I earned another bit of wisdom today....I re-learned that as an adult, or at least a good one, you gotta "suck it up" Never in my short life have I understood why people do stupid chit, or stuff they KNOW is harmful to themselves or others....Especialy when they paraded around their wrongdoings for all to see.
Yesterday at Turkey Day...and Today, at my great-uncles "Turkey Day Part II", I realized (again) that life is too short to let other peoples stupid shit stress you out. If I can just keep from forgetting that, I'll be a step ahead for once. That sounds really familiar.... I also keep forgetting the part emotions play in these things. I have been even more of a straight, no b.s. kinda guy than I used to be...because of all the b.s. I was forced to go thru. I usually don't think in terms of feelings, but right or wrong. Maybe that's part of my problem. Too much thinking. Sleep Now.

New update....put big block in shop. Found out might need new crank. Dammit. Been thinking that I think and pontificate too much. Dammit. Saw Beat Takeshi's Brother Pretty good flick, especially if you're used to foreign flicks. Just like Beat, my brother and I seem to care less about each other, and if it came down to it, bet he would run too. Sad, but not unusual in this day and age. Haven't been sad in quite a while...just disappointed. Good thing I've got friends...
Anyhow, been thinking I psychoanalyze shit too much. I will stop that. It always keeps me frozen when I need to be movin. Like big block...spent way more money (on BILLS dammit!!!) than I anticipated. How and the hell am I gonna pay for the big block? Just gotta work my ass off, I suppose. Been liking angry type music lately....system of a down, linkin park, monster magnet....
I gotta get done with school. That is factoid #1. Then I gotta get outta this town. factoid #2.

Sold 95 Tacoma last week, sad that I let it go, happy cause I can use money to maintain the camaro's and the new truck. Now I have: one new 350 short block, a running 1 ton truck w/454, a TTOP!!!! z in florida, and my "buddies" running tho not legally titled 75LT camaro all fighting to command priority of my limited funds. I am opting to pay bills, hold onto the cash as long as I can, and see what happens.

Near death experiences today: 1 older woman in a late model burban who decided going to her excercise class was more important than fixing her tail/brake lights (all of which were NOT working) and stopping dead in the middle of after school traffic to make her turn. I lived, managed NOT to run into her, and thanked my lucky stars

Near death experience #2: 1 teeny bopper chick in a late model saturn with g/f as passenger decided to mash the gas at the stop light, pull in front of me (81 c10) and play asshole by locking up brakes in middle of street nearly causing a 5 car pileup.
http://www.nastyz28.com/ubb/Forum16/HTML/019118.html

New plogger actually seems kinda fun to use now. I am maintaining in classes, barely (shouldn't be here) I shoulda been an engineer. Since starting the computer hobby, and now the automotive hobby, I am never happier than sitting down, drinking a cold beverage, and trying to figure something out. Maybe one day I'll even get paid for it.

Family situation is getting no better. If I can keep from spending all my cash on car parts, I would REALLY like to leave this place. Two car garage is still nice. Almost left it for a house that had a single & central air. I don't need no stinkin' a/c. I don't think the place is gonna get knocked down for the freeway like landlords claim either.

Whole lotta socio-/psychological/metaphysical chit I was gonna talk about today, but can't remember now. Maybe I'll post later.

Wow, almost a month since my last rantage...will have to change that. I realized today that somewhere along the way since I moved back to the hell that is wichita, I had forgotten my old motto of "fuck the dumb shit" I decided today that was gonna change.
Two things have been really buggin me the past coupla weeks. One was my classes. I had been stressing and losing sleep over my class up at friends, and ended up passing it. Fairly well too, even tho my last assignment was lost to the email gods. =-( Although I am still in recovery mode, I feel pretty damn silly for losing sleep for something like that.
#2) Promised, Plotted, and planned to go up to kc to see Kill Bill with my friends. Of course family and finances had other plans. This is not the first time I've ditched my friends at the last minute, and I'm feeling like an undependable ass. Especially since they have started coming down to see ME. My family acts like I'm headed to my doom every time I plan a trip somewhere. If I tell them I get peer pressure to stay. If I don't tell them, I get accused of trying to give everyone a heart attack. It is pretty damn sad when you have to sneak out of your own damn house just to have a weekend with your buddies. I imagine the whole family thinks I have a woman stashed upstate or something from all the b.s. I get. Yet another reason I don't kanar anymore =-(
Well, saw kill bill with my 10 year old brother (corrupting the young) and it kicked much ass. Also seen House of the Dead and Underworld in the past week. Do NOT see either of the last two. You will literally feel your intelligence (and standards) become lower....

made another realization today. I'm still thinking high dollar go fast parts for the cars, and
stressing over being able to afford these speed parts. There's nothing wrong with stock.
Even if the aluminum heads are sexy as hell. I'm running around in circles getting these things
runnig...again. Found a coupla 3rd gens that I might snag for daily driver.
My own insurance co seems to be trying to screw me. Must keep fighting with them
I've been bitching the last several years about wichita (and kansas) not being the place for
me. Instead of crying, I have been trying to do something about it the last several months.
Had friends over for the weekend, it was a drunken good time. We even got some work done
too. Laserquest was good. Mental note : If you have friends that are avid FPS pc gamers, it
is a given that they will kick ass at lasertag.
Mental Note: I do NOT need more project cars. No matter how exciting, it must be running..
at the very least. Mental Note: the Z WAS running before I took it apart.
It was very fun hanging out with the gang again. The only real friends I seem to have, that I'm
still able to keep in touch with. I felt a bit melancholy, as I realized over the weekend that it's
quite possible I might never see them again.....especially if I move to japan. If I do come back to
the states, I will be going to a metropolitain center...so I can actually find a job. poverty sucks.
Thank god I'm single. What would I do if I had to worry about a spouse or kids?

I've gotten really, really, really tired of either feeling sorry for myself, or being bored to death
and staring at blank walls alll day. I don't think there is much else I can do though, with school
in session (barely started, really) and work even if that's a just barely. And needing a car and any
other hobby I start or continue still requiring what I don't have: money. At least I am keeping fairly
busy with figuring ways to spend my cash wisely or get the things I need done on a budget. And the car
hobby IS fun when I'm not stressing....God, I shoulda been an engineer. Woulda had loads of fun.

Computer stuff was also loads more fun when it was just a hobby. That a way, it was just something fun
to do in my spare time. Now that I look for it for a career, it's not fun. Not boring or anything, but there's
a difference between spending an all niter doing something you enjoy, and spending an all niter trying to
keep up with techology that's ALWAYS changing. I think I kinda shocked my megagamer buddies, because
it's not so vital to me to have the newest games or hardware anymore. (I still feel embarrassed that my pc is
three years old now tho) I never told them even when I WAS a gamer that I actually beat very few of the games
that I play. I just play them till I get bored, and then got another game. Another reason could be that every time
I would get close to beating a game, something bad would happen, and I HATE starting over again. I have changed from
hardcore gamer, to run of the mill, to *gasp* a CASUAL gamer.

Another concern of mine now that computer stuff is career instead of hobby: Health. My former employer
had a triple by pass, and was trying to go back to work 3 days later. It wasn't his first triple by pass either.
Bad health is one of the things (besides cracking under stress) that you have too look out for in this field. You
are at the keyboard so much just for your job, you don't get much chance to eat healthy, or enteract with other
humans very much. I am mobile for work, and fiddling around in the garage. the rest of the time I'm sitting on my
butt (which is getting flatter and flatter) in class, or doing homework. I don't go to kenjutsu anymore, and there
are no gyms (for men) nearby. I'm very concerned about the health aspect.

Been helping my grandmother with clerical stuff at her new teaching job. After 3 days helping
out at an hour or so a piece, I can well understand why after 30 years of teaching she didn't
wanna come back. I saw more bullshit and office politics in those 3 days than I musta dealt
with in my 2 years at WSU. Made me remember that education was always a big money item in
federal and state budgets, and until just recently, once you got on, you were guaranteed a job with
the usd until you quit. I can see why petty-power-hungry clerk types would abound there. All I
ever wanted to do was help other folks when I was going to teach (grandma's influence). Looking
at all these would be mini-empire builders, I think my belated career change was for the better.
It makes me laugh now that I remember that I used to think being an instructor would be much less
stress than being a programmer or "hardware" guy. Same stress, if not more. And not alltogether
different, althou I woulda said they were both radically different not too long ago.

Still worry about real life application of my degree after I finally graduate. Can't do much
about that now tho. After I find a stable job, would like to continue in school for masters
(might as well) and maybe eventually try for that engineering degree.

In the meantime, I still LOVE to take shit apart and figure out how it works. MOre than that,
I love to BUILD stuff that actually works when I get done...would like to build a kit car some
day when I have the cash.