Monday, April 11, 2005

Check out the latest penny arcade. Yep, you gotta stay away from the yaoi anime. For those that don't know, it's the opposite of yuri. Yaoi anime means "boy love". yep. It will burn a man's soul, it will. Oddly enough, it mostly attracts fangirls, not too many gay guys that I have ever heard of.

I went and saw Frank Miller's Sin City the other day. Violent? Ya. It won't win any picture of the year awards, but it was pretty entertaining. Not real cerebral tho, but the violence did satisfy. I gotta say I dug it cause all the main characters, while not particularly "nice" or "good" did have a sense of right and wrong. And they fought for the "right" thing, even if it wasn't right for everybody. Mickey Rourke's character was pretty kick ass. All in all, I recommend seeing the movie, just wasn't as impressed by it as so many other people are.

I gotta get the hell outta wichita. I've been trying to maintain, but even after I have this master's degree, I don't really see any jobs except for teaching and (thus) churning out more computer nerds in an area still full of them. The tech jobs are only for those who suck enough proverbial (or literal) cock to get in. The few computer nerds I know that ARE employed in the industry are so stressed out from working 3 jobs and raising families that they are a hair away from snapping. Hell, IM a hair away from snapping, and I'm just (barely) taking care of myself.

Alrighty. Done bitchn.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Is She too wild for You? on MSN WhooHoo!!!! I'm with HER!!!!

Movie Quote of the day: "gay men are so hot"

evil genius, city of heroes/villans are all games on pc that I want to play...BADLY. mercenaries, mech assault and the new jade empire are about to make me wet myself in pure joy. Kessen III and Dynasty warriors 5 are also out if you're a longtime Koei fan

Old Skool Rodding or Rat rods
or something had some great articles that I saw at the bookstore the other day. The link isn't the mag I was talking about, but dammit, old cars are sexy. I'm not too sure about the kids that try to dress up as period greasers and such, a lot of them are posers, but it seems their heart is in the right place. Alot of the rat rod chicks are pretty interesting too. More tats than a wwII vet, and hot to boot. ;)

Still looking for club shadow or whatever the yahoo group is that everyone always talks about.

Old goth article I found on random search



nightbreed might possibly be having a sequel. But probably not.

nuckin futz

tulsa international raceway
The only other nearby track besides WIR or Heartland in Topeka, has had to deal with the death of one of their dragracers during a test in tune recently. I don't know the chick, but apparently she was a famous old skool racer who was killed along with her son. Survived by husband and two daughters. The racer was Shelly and Brian Howard.

The Lounge, a webcomic I haven't visited in over a year, but I dug it cause it had some pretty amusing characters....especially Max, who may or may not be a girl? And the Hentai King. You gotta read it just for the Hentai King.


My favorite wichita eagle columnist mark mccormick is getting a bunch of flak and bullshit because he was against the new gay marriage ban. I don't see how the new law is *legal* myself, and I resent Mr. Mccormick's opponents for giving him so much shit. Another sign that I need to get outta here.

Friday, April 08, 2005

From Monster.com:

"Get to Know ConnectorsMalcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point contains insights about how certain ideas and behaviors spread throughout societies. Gladwell observes that "connectors" are key to this process. These are people who know many folks and constantly meet new ones. Connectors can also be useful in your job search. Try to make contact with these types of people. They're friendly, so getting to know them shouldn't be too hard. -- Thad Peterson "

I used to be "these types of people".

http://blogs.msdn.com/heatherleigh/archive/2005/02/23/379151.aspx

http://www.boldcareer.com/blog/

And now, for some startrek shit. Remember Geordi on Star Trek? Sometime during one of the movies he went from a visor to bionic eyes right? Well, the Brits have developed a functioning bionic eye in the here and now. Check it out.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The personal blog of Wataru Maruyama Good stuff. I had lots of stuff to bit* or blog about today, but I decided I really don't feel like it. I'll just post later. This guy's blog is great tho. Follow the link to the japanese paper that tells about 2 jr. high school girls (freshmen in american high school) putting the beatdown on a shoplifter. There's another interesting one about a 44 year old economics professor (yah, he has his phd) getting caught and paying a 50K fine for looking up girls skirts. He, needless to say, lost his job. May rant later. Work now.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

God, gotta love automatic time stamps in blogger. Here are some links and pix that I thought I would share with my web viewing public. Keep in mind these aren't mine, they're just what I have swiped over the internet. If you are the artist, don't sue me, I'll credit you.

Kaneda's Bike: I don't need a big dog, I'll make one of these.

kaneda's bike

wallpaper from www.kungfoolx.com Kick ass comic. I've linked it before. READ IT

chugworth 3

chugworth.com haven't read any. Good art tho

chugworth2

Old Penny-arcade post. got shitcanned cause the PA folks almost got sued over it.

New copy of overrev is out. goto www.mangacity.net and get yours.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


With the Tulsa Oklahoma anime con coming up this weekend, thought I'd throw some cosplay pix up. This is windows 2k chan. Japanese computer geeks draw and fantasize over anime that has the characteristics of their favorite OS. I'd bang her.

Windows 2k chan.

windows 2k & xp

This is a photochop of an anime about a supposedly lesbian europop group. Anime got canceled and band got broken up. Don't remember the name of the anime, sorry

windows 2k chan drawing

kick ass tatoo...I THINK from Final Fantasy VII

This is a character from the videogame guilty gear xx. Forget the name, tho.

This chick is trying to look like Asuka from Evangelion. Reminds me of who I call "car wreck chick" that I saw at a party last nite. That chick was in a "naughty school girl" uniform tho.

pic of asuka
My recipe to forestall any parking lot fight: 1)Maintain calm. If the fucktard is being belligerent and has a tim mcgraw shirt on, chances are...He AINT backing down. 2)obtain non-lethal disabling device. It's not a bitch move to use mace, but I prefer a nice tazer or stun-gun. The more powerful the better. 3)Utilize said device 4)Obtain your choice of adhesive, duct tape or superglue. 5)Here's where you use your own discretion: You can tape or glue unconscious perp's ass cheeks together, you can take incriminating photos with a digicam, (imagine his buddy's finding a pic of him with a large penis right in front of his face) You can tie him butt naked to a high school football post with all kinds of grafitti written all over him in permanent marker, or you can just tie him up and leave him somewhere out in BFE. In any event, be creative. This one time, I could see being non-violent wasn't the answer, and fighting would have been worse. A good ol fashioned stomp down woulda done the heart good, tho.


Booty Time, Booty Time, Across the USA!!!

If my sister says you're a ninja, you're a god-damned ninja!

gimptard....nice blog

memory of xu...another nice blog, I should take heed, don't try to meet others expectations

Reformat blog similar to this

Booty Call Protocol

Be careful when running bootleg software on your pocket pc


Nationstates.net a game where you create and rule your own nation


Disco will never die...and it's not just for gay men, either. This article only
touches the surface. It doesn't get into how disco turned into techno which turned
into eurohouse, eurobeat, and then finally j-pop.

In these times, of hate and pain
We need a remedy, to take us from the rain
Jealousy, a little greed
Ive been thinking, of what I need

I need a freak, to hold me tight
I need a freak, everyday and every night
I need a freak, I really do
I want a freak, one with ass that looks like you
I need a freak, exclusivly
So that she only comes and satisfies me
I need a freak, to hold me tight
I need a freak, everyday and everynight (help me out!)

I need a freak, to hold me tight
I need a freak everyday and every night
I need a freak, with long long hair
A super freak, in underwear

I need a freak, hear what I say
I need a freak, to get me through the day
I need a freak, so I can swerve
I need a super freak, to calm my nerves

Monday, April 04, 2005

So Blogger is down becuase of an unexpected error. Maybe they're finally getting around to fixing that spam bug I keep hearing about. That's okay. REAL computer nerds use notepad. Sunday sucked. I was sick
with allergies or something and slept ALL day. Nothing productive. Today, being only slightly more productive,

I come across this link on msn. Excerpt follows:


"Having the foundation of education is good. It helps with traits that you need for leadership--agility, and being able to self promote without selling your soul," says Gruen. Flexibility and adaptability, however, are qualities that cannot be taught, he adds, evidenced in Net Worth's early string of victories.

"They have the agility to risk more easily and with more confidence than you would find with book smarts." And Gruen is not basing this on the show, but rather on the professionals he counsels. "Those who tend to be more entrepreneurial are often not the ones with master's degrees," he says.

Don't have it all? Work at it

That's what Bonnie Russell, who never graduated college, exhibits day in and day out as founder of the legal publicity firm 1st-Pick.com. Her firm matches consumers with doctors, lawyers, and real estate brokers. Her advice? Don't get too wrapped up in being set upon one or the other--book smart or street smart--as better. "Both are important, but book smarts ought to get practical street experience, and street smarts ought to take a class. It shouldn't be black or white. It should be a kaleidoscope of options."

No matter which side you're rooting for, the reality of the reality TV situation we've seen week after week is this: "Society is structured in such a way that the business world places supreme importance on the value of a higher education," says Levit. Whoever is left standing in the boardroom, the fact remains that Trump and many like him at the helm of the nation's largest and most successful companies are college graduates with advanced degrees.

Does that mean if a Magna player wins this season, and is chosen to run one of The Donald's many companies, the real-life boardroom will be unattainable without an academic decree? According to Carney, there is hope long after the water cooler debates from this season's Apprentice simmer down--for both teams: "You need the learning and the drive to learn more, to have a dynamic approach to learning. Be passionate and excited about it."

End excerpt

One day, I would like to be called "The Anthony". But other than that, the self promotion without selling your soul is key, I think. That has been my main concern my
whole life, getting ahead without selling out. I feel like I'm on my way, but I'm nowhere close at the moment. People are always telling me that I'm well spoken, or that
I do this right, or that right. Maybe it's time I started using all these skills that I'm supposed to have again. Another thing that caught my attention in the article
was that as an entrepreneur or businessman, you are supposed to be persuasive. Also, people in power seem to look for experience above those pieces of paper...most of the time.
That might be where I have screwed myself. I have always worked hard to AVOID positions of responsibility and leadership. Although I don't mind directing stuff, I hate the
experience and stress that comes from leadership/management. I hate the thought of screwing up or maybe letting people down. Persuading someone to go with a decision I've
made and then failing or screwing up would be that much worse. I guess you could say I've been scared to take risks for quite a while now. That's starting to change lately,
but still one of my worst fears.

This is why bootlegs aren't killing the movie industry. This also probably means some poor schmuck of a network admin just
got fired. ALWAYS secure your servers.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Everyone is worried about the pope. He's old. Instead of hovering around his deathbed and counting the minutes, why don't all these damn newscasts reflect on the stuff he's done during his life? There wasn't this much damn publicity and vulturing when Mother Theresa died. And she actually did good for people. I'm not saying the pope hasn't done good either. But he is one of the most powerful men in the world. His presence hung like a spectre all over the school when I was growing up in catholic school.

When I die, if I happen to be rich or powerful, I want everyone to fear that the end of the world is coming. ;) Kinda like the fall of carthage, or camelot, or the roman empire or something. I wouldn't want to encourage a dark age of lawlessness and despair, but I would like to have been responsible for a golden age of prosperity. Hope that makes sense....

Blogger sucks. Everyone was right, it IS broken. May have to move. Definetlely have to update format....
My god, I'm a post whore. Not as bad as talking to myself, or my potential audience of 10 million random web surfers. This link is to an amazon list of teensploitation flicks. I dont see Legend of Billie Jean anywhere on there. However, some of the dude's links are pretty interesting. Some other time I will explain my love of Pat Benatar....

Big Dog Motorcycles has some DAMN sexy bikes. damn sexy. Big boys toys car show today at century II. I hear there is gonna be an all aluminum SMALL BLOCK 454 on display there. I think I'm gonna pay them a visit on my lunch break. I know if I see that display, I may just fall in love....
In related news, it's been going around that GM is going to do away with either their Buick or Pontiac motor division, cause of low sales. Sucks to be them.

12 Kingdoms is the shit. If you have not seen this anime, you MUST. It kicks so much ass, its not even funny. Shy, introverted high school girl becomes Queen of her own kingdom in an alternative (loosely based on chinese mythology) world. Been done, sure. But instead of something like say, Fuushigi Yuugi, where the main chick has people protecting her, she learns responsibility, leadership, and the ability to swing a sword and kick ass on her own. The fight scenes kinda taper off to get into the politics in the middle of the series, and there's ALOT of terminology to learn, but what fight scenes there are kick so much ass, they will make your nuts hard. Even if you don't have nuts ;) Its a lot like Naruto, except it's serious, not a whole lot of jokes. I found it amusing that kids are born on trees, though.

Alot of folks like what's called yuri anime. Series like Avenger, or Noir, or Utena. In all of these, gender roles are mixed or reversed or the like. You usually have a pair of characters of the same sex with ambiguously sexual undertones. I like these series because the main character usually has a clear cut right or wrong conscience, even if the world or environment they deal in isn't so clear cut. They fight for what they believe in, and they surely do kick ass doing it. Avenger, Noir, and Hack Sign are all drawn by Bee Train, which is my favorite anime production studio.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Remember kids...never post when you're tired. You come across as a trite, self-pitying kinda
person...the main reason why I stopped blogging in the first place.

Hormones jumpin' like a disco....

Ppl ask me, whats it like being a college grad? Stressful. I have talked about jealousy
before, but my own family, which was ripe with the emotion before, now properly ooze buckets
of jealousy everytime they so much as speak to me. It is funny that ALOT of people seem to be back
in school now...the wsu paper says its cause BTK was caught. Ya, right. I think it's cause people
see that if a lazy slacker like me can do it, so can they :)

Scott got "busy" when I graduated, of course. One of these days that man is either gonna be
a consistently shady or good person. One of these days I'm either gonna kick his ass, or shake
his hand in respect, then kick his ass.

Anne is getting married!! From her email, it doesn't look like anyone else in our old emporia click
got the news. I'm happy for her though. Maybe now Scott can stop telling everyone I was trying to
get in her pants. That man was always telling people I was trying to get in their girlfriends pants...

I see that there is now gonna be a movie version of "Miami Vice". I can hear my mom and my aunt
gushing now. They used to LOVE that show. It always bored my brother and I to tears. I DO remember
seeing a don johnson traffic saftey video in drivers ed. Yes, miami vice had been over for 10+ years
when I saw the video. Didn't matter, as DJ thought he was a sexy bitch back then. Still does. It is
funny how people who dressed 80's miami style back then were the height of masculinity, but now are
"fag magnets". Much like people who never gave up on the disco era, or the 70's platforms/pimp era.

There's a bunch of commotion in the paper and about town about the new "marriage law" legislation. It
seems that there is a movement to ban gay(and I assume lesbian) marriages, and to uphold the "traditional"
marriage structure. Now, whichever way you feel, or lean, or think, you're gonna have someone yelling
in your face. My question is: What is the price of gasoline? "What the hell?", you ask? EXACTLY. What
is the effin point? A ruler of a dead government that we base our current system of laws on once made his
horse (and some say lover) a senator. Lets not talk about the rampant homosexuality or idolotry that we are
supposed to be so against as a "christian" nation, that doesn't like to talk about religion.

Am I surprised, shocked, and angry about this legislation? Nope. Why? Cause I think it's a bunch of political
bullshit smoke and mirrors designed to keep us focused on it, while our legislators screw us over with more taxes
or something. There have been a number of unpopluar and hard fighting money issues lately. I am, however,
surprised and shocked that a college buddy of mine can be raised by a lesbian couple, have a girlfriend that looks
to be 12 years old (she's 26), not finish school, yet still make loads of money. His parents taught him SOMETHING
right.

Movies: Sin City opened today. I'm not a HUGE Frank Miller fan, but I've read "a few" of his graphic novels. I dig
bruce willis' part as the city's last cop battling his conscience. Didn't know cops had consciouses. *heh* The review
in the paper says that this movie makes Kill Bill look like a nickelodeon show. That's some violence that I just GOTTA
see. Guess Who: Bernie Mac as Ashton Kutcher's inlaw? This I gotta see. Mr. 3000 was great. Need to remember Pieces of April as well.
Sin City and Be Cool are both at the drive in. Want to see Hotel Rwanda, Don Cheadle is one of the most underrated actors
EVER. George Carlin is in town...

Things to remember: George Carlin, Big Boy's Toys show (I will be in class till the last hour) I SHOULD NOT play hooky.
Dave might have a running project bike for me, and some parts. anime con tulsa coming up, get with brian on dungeon idea,
start on resources for business, start on business plan. websites. Talk to jason, see if I can get software from shiva
remember to eat and sleep. Microsoft and Cisco certs. Peace Corps....
April. 420 is on the way, heh. ;) I think I'm gonna have to kick my own ass. Or take my foot out my mouth. Figured out partially why everyone has been acting the way they have, and as usual, it's my fault. I may be throwing out what can be construed as confusing signs, and I keep forgetting to take into account that many of the people that I hang with now have an alternative lifestyle. And its not always as mildly annoying as ordering a tbone double rare in front of a vegan, either ;) I have occasionally been doing stuff like making gay jokes (texas? good god, only steers and queers come from texas!) and stuff like that. Sure, that was only a movie reference, but that probably explains why many of my friends have been so jittery.

Security seminar was a joke. It was basically a Cisco rep that was pushing the new combo routers that have been in industry news lately. Not even any free food. I bailed before I was there 10 minutes.

You, my friend are too introverted....like Hank Hill. Saw the episode where Kahn lost his job. Funny shit. Which reminds me, link to "Which king of the hill character are you?" or make one.

Need to get steve to revive the tour of booty series....gather people for the mass exodus for the new office space movie he is doing.

Need to also decide if I'm gonna get serious about a business idea running around in my head...or if I even have the time. But dammit, if jerrod can do it, so can I. If I do it, some folks that aren't talking to each other are gonna have to learn to be civil...

Lastly, need to stop being so softhearted. Helping folks is all well and good, but it keeps getting me in trouble. Or, I get pissed when my help is refused or abused, or thought of as a way to get in some chicks pants. Need to leave unsingle chicks totally alone. I'm tired of getting checked by their guys cause of insecurities. To explain further: I will look out for my friends whatever their status. Married, single, gay, straight, whatever. If I hang out with ya, you have been blessed, cause if I can help, I will, without question. If I was gonna bang friend's chick, I would have the common decency to at least give him a heads up. I would not go behind his back. That's been really pissin me off lately, cause I've been checked without due cause. Cannont fuck up classes. I guess these are my april fools resolutions....

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Life in Castle Gray Skull Blogger doesn't really have a good search tool to search blog sites. Found this one though. Cool! OMFG, sledgehammer is on DVD!!! My childhood returns to haunt me. Now all I need to see is pole position and galaxy high....
I found out recently that you can set up your old Sega Dreamcast as a hacking tool on a private network. Odds are, your local paranoid admin *grin* will find out about it well before you could do anything interesting with it, but it does make for a cheap, effective tool.

Southwestern University is offering a video game development curriculum as part of their Computer Science track. Too bad tuition for an UNDERGRAD degree is as much as I'm paying for my GRADUATE degree. Guildhall makes you take full time classes 5 days a week and sounds like about same amount of $$$ (more if you're from out of state) Now considering staying in wichita LONGER. Really want a CS degree under my belt. Feeling all kinds of inadequate since I haven't seriously written code (does HTML count?) in years. God knows more skills are welcome, since I still know 'puter nerds that are jobless.....and were jobless when I met them 5 years ago.

Need to start looking at my own security, since I am finally starting to get around my long standing war with Teh COX and may get broadband at home again. I know my laptop is wide open (open wireless at Friends, not even accursed WEP) and since a bunch of the stuff is shared out to my local 802.11g (WPA baby!) at home, I'm asking for trouble....even if I don't keep anything important on them. Organisation and Integrity are KEY in the Information World.

Integrity is key in personal life as well. Now that I've got my head out of my shell, I'm starting to see the patterns in that wonderful thing called group dynamics. I used to be good at reading, following, and to an extent manipulating group dynamics. Used to also be one of the people that could fit in wherever I went (And it was FUN hanging out with the rednecks, lemme tell you)

At one time I advocated hedonism, telling everyone that if it feels good, do it...as long as it doesn't hurt others. Looking back on it, this may have been why I got some of those stares from my friends that had significant others, especially with my talk of cults, polygamous marriages or how I would one day find myself a bad ass chick (or two) that had the "ass of the ages" An ass of such magnificance that I could "set a martini and a clock radio on it" or "roll hotwheels down the cheeks"

Man it was fun to be young(er) . These days, instead of preaching about open communication, I am just trying my best to be successful without screwing other people over. Not that my sentimentality keeps others from trying to screw me... I feel like the sell out exhippy dad from SLC PUNK or the dad on Daria.

I have noticed over the years that most people's hangups are over something either parental, or sexual. Freudian Slips usually abound, and the man WAS pretty smart. Even after nearly 28 years on this earth, I don't understand why people get hungup on sex. Its been around as long as people have. Maybe its cause people confuse lust and integrity. Maybe, because jealousy is an old genetic throwback designed to protect the gene pool. Maybe because all humans are idiots.

Its hard to have good friends and good conversations when you're getting chin checked by the guys who think you're trying to get on their women, and you piss off the girls for reasons that I will never know. I have heard that this is commonplace, cause the m/f ratio in wichita is almost 1:1. As for pissing chix off, I seem to have that knack. I wish I didn't, though. I was browsing this book and found an interesting passage that might explain why I piss chix off so much: I may not act masculine enough, according to our cultural norms.

If I ever decide to stop suffering from nice guy syndrome, or decide to start being a self-centered asshole, I think I may actually end up being happy in life....or at least have as much ass as I could possibly want. My testicular fortitude is being tested daily by some BAD ASS CHIX, and its getting harder and harder for me to deal with it. When I say bad ass chix, I mean the kind that have me slobbering and about ready to wet myself, which are two modes of behavior that said chix most definetly do not appreciate.

Linkies: Order of the Stick and AllGrownUP AGU is discontinued, but both are worth reading, especially if your a gamer.
I'm gonna make it to burning man one day, dammit.
random link 1

Random link 2

Next blog: equilibrium & boondock saints, dammit. peace corps, links to bad ass chix, anime con, ai, video game development

song lyrics

The Beast from the East

You ma'am, kick ass

Fire!

no, I'm not drunk

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

There is a (hardware) security seminar on the 31st being put on by some CISCO folks. I think it'll be more entertaining than the hacking seminar I went to last week.

Today was a damn fine day. After the short novella I spent venting, I may have to do that more often. Good thing this isn't a public blog. Kinda sad that I don't have any people close enough to vent to though. Being stressed out by my mom has been the main thing depressing me in the whole time I been here. Dealing with my friend Scott has been just like dealing with my mom....I never hear from either of them unless they want something.

Anyway, feeling MUCH more productive than I have in a while. Thinking of setting up a new website just for IT and college grads. Job hunting, support, forums, the whole nine yards. Just wish people were more upfront tho

Monday, March 28, 2005

Linky: Sexy Losers Another online comic, although the guy that does this has slacked off due to personal illness.

Next Blog: Talk more about Equilibrium and The Boondock Saints They are worth discussion.

Hmm. Well, I accomplished my task of getting shit-faced. Last nite, I got drunker than I had been since new years eve of '01. I also remembered (the next day) why I don't get drunk anymore. I didn't get a hangover, but the reason I don't drink is that when you get shitfaced, you should have someone sober enough to take you home. I didnt. I almost didn't make it home. Shouldn't have drove, and swore my friend that took me there was the one of two cars that followed me home. That ended up not being the case, and I'm not even sure who the second car was. Im pretty sure I'm good from getting drunk for the next coupla years though. Stayed in bed all day and didn't do much of anything. Can't do that anymore. Missed my favorite great aunt coming in from kc, missed my great grandma's easter/birthday dinner. Apparently, I impressed Scott's sister with my ability to hold my booze though. Seems like she is used to drinking folks under the table. Hah. If I hadn't broken the cardinal rule of having a coupla beers before I went out, I woulda done much better.

I DO feel much, much better though. I was so stressed out from this class. Didn't like it, didn't want to be in it. Couldn't drop, damn sure couldn't fail. Just gotta maintain for 10 more months and then I'm done. What then? Dunno. Would like to finally leave Wichita for good. I'd be ecstatic if I could leave the midwest for good.

I'm a loner, by nature. Some folks have said that everyone is, especially computer nerds. It's getting to the point in IT now that you CANT be a loner, and I don't mind working in groups. I just prefer working by myself. In my personal life, especially since I've been in Wichita, I'm a loner as well. I hate seeing other people struggle by themselves like I do though. I've chosen my path, and I'll continue to try to stick with it, until I'm successful or stark raving nuts. ;)Having the car hobby didn't help much either. All car people are antisocial, and perverted. At least most are;) But having that hobby kept me outta trouble. This town is famous for jealousy, and jealousy I think is a worse sin than greed (al pacino voice)

I'm tired of getting checked by guys thinking I'm trying to get in their girlfriends pants. I'm tired of getting checked by guys thinking I'm trying to get in their boyfriends pants. I'm tired of not being able to talk to chicks because they think I'm trying to get into their pants. This town is way too square. If you want some booty, be upfront. Its hard enough trying to take care of yourself in this world, without getting into a bunch of bullshit just because of jealousy. I'm pretty sure the emotion itself is just a throwback survival trait. In my eyes, jealousy is what happens when someone has something that you don't have, and have no chance of EVER getting. So if I was jealous of someone over a woman or a computer or a car, that's as good as saying that I'll never in my life have something similar. That's rather silly, donchathink?

At one time I used to talk about polygamy, and starting a hedonistic cult out in the sticks. I was gonna be the patriarch and blah blah blah. Thus was the legend of the Reverend Newton Bigsexy born. I was never afraid to talk about sex, or listen to people's problems, or give advice. I thought at the time that people's problems (especially here) centered around their inability to be honest with themselves on certain issues, and many times that was sex. (Ya, I liked Freud, but never thought he had ALL the answers). Meeting the host of the party last nite Brian (damn he can mix some drinks) and seeing his basement of wonders made me start thinking about the "old me" and wondering what has happened to him. Perhaps now that I am responsible for my own welfare, I don't have the time to listen to other's problems as much anymore, and that makes me feel guilty?

I know that when I finally decided to get back in school and FINISH this time, I knew I had to put all distractions behind me. But I'm not sure if I like the consequences of making that decision. At least I don't have to worry about having to pay my bill's and my moms anymore, but if I ever fall or something happens to me, I sure as hell don't have a home to go back to. Maybe I'm scared of living, because of a fear of failure. I know failure is the only thing I'm really scared of. Perhaps that is why I run away from women now, or screw up (intentionally or not) with them. Before, I didn't have time for any kind of relationship, trying to go to school full time at two different places and keep a roof over my head took priority. Keeping my mom outta my pockets was another. It's also hard when people get all scared just cause you raise your voice. I always wanted my voice to be DEEP, and I guess it is, I just never realized, cause from my ears it didn't have the sound that I wanted.

In any case, it is certainly different now that I only have grad school to worry about. But coming out from the stress and forced introversion has been hard. I walk my path though, because that is what we all have to do. I favor Zen Buddhism and Samurai flicks so much because all I have in this world is my nuts and my word. Despite all the petty arguements and jealous rivalries that everyone goes through, that's all anyone has. I think if people realized this and stopped being so materialistic, or worried about what other people have, the world would be a better place. Can't change people's behavior though, at least not unless they let you.

Maybe I need to stop being afraid of offending people. I am still in the middle of wrestling with the cutthroatedness that these business classes kinda teach you, and of whether or not they are turning me into a sell-out. I am also afraid that I'm becoming an asshole. I used to believe that all human beings are basically good people, and I thought that one should always at least attempt to do the right thing. But that's fast becoming old to me, and if I stop trying to see the good in people, or caring about people, that's gonna turn my whole world upside down. It is a fact that there isn't a damn body looking out for me, so why am I always trying to look out for everyone else? I don't have a congregation of faithful, or a cult, or a platoon, so I should just be looking out for myself, right? Temper and temperment take a part in this too....

Old Chicago.
Took Scott to old Chicago on the west side tonite. His new girlfriend works there. Knew that's what he wanted when he showed up looking for me at another buddy's place. He wanted me to drive him cause he didn't want to use his own gas. It's all good, I got a dr pepper and some cheese fries. Old Chicago is NOT my scene though. Too many wanna be Abercrombie and Fitch folks there. Everyone being loud and trying to be centers of attention. Its a place the scott I knew of old would have avoided like the plague. But, in the years since I left emporia, he has definetly changed. Hormones might have something to do with it too. It was amusing when he tried to explain the "hierarchy" of things to me. I was "a friend of the boyfriend" so apparently I wasn't important enough to notice or talk to there. Preppy Bullshit. Although, not different from any other cultural group if you look at it from sociology standpoint.

Scott has been trying to make hints about letting him or his girlfriend drive my car. Dropped hint last nite, dropped hint again tonite "I think I could drive this car" If he drops hint again, I may have to be an asshole to make him get the point. I work for my own shit, and he can get behind the wheel when he's ready to make payments on the damn thing. I don't recall the man ever letting me drive any of the caddy's....Trying to understand why he's having his girlfriend meet him at my house and all this junk too. Looking for acceptance? Looking to move in? I shoulda paid more attention in Psychology class.... I may also have to come up with yet another imaginary girlfriend, if this keeps up. Am I being anti-social? I don't think so.

Scott looks out for Scott's well-being first and foremost. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, except if he tries to take advantage or take away from others. As his friend, I'd do anything for him, and at one time, I would have helped him dump a body if I had to. Nowadays, I have my own life and problems to worry about, and it bothers me that he tries to manipulate me into doing shit instead of coming out and asking. I also wonder at the way that when people come over to my house, they seem to lose all common sense and act like a fool. Not just scott, but one of the reasons I stopped letting people come over to my house (besides being too busy for friends or women) was that they would get disrespectful and start running around like idiots. The time Scott brought over the german scat porn was just one example. Maybe I'm too permissive, or maybe I'm too naive expecting people to behave sensibly. Hmm....maybe I just have to snap and let my temper out more....

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Wow, what a day. Woke up, and got to class almost an hour late. Par for the course on this module. Stressed out, and noticed NO ONE else in class slept either. We were ALL working on proposals this week. I was stressing thinking I had other work to catch up on too. Another guy came in an hour after I did, that made me feel a lil better, especially since his topic was almost the same as mine (Artificial Intelligence) Did I mention I feel STRESSED? Been having mood swings and depression and stuff all week. Dunno if it's cause the weather has been gray and rainy all week, or because of the mounting deadline on all this work I had to do. Could also possibly be because all this happened during FREAKIN SPRING BREAK!!! That might also explain why the town has seemed so quiet. Anyway, presentation went ok, didn't follow the prescribed format, didn't know there was one. Gotta pay more attention to electronic blackboard.

Tired....May go on road trip to topeka tomorrow to pick up a part. WANT to go somewhere where I know NOBODY for a month. After I graduate next year, I'm going on sabbatical. Peace Corps, whatever. I need out of here....BADLY

Friday, March 25, 2005

Now Watching Anime: Sadamitsu the Destroyer vol 1, Read or Die the TV Vol 2, Legend of Himiko Vol 1. They all pretty much kick ass. Himiko is older cell drawn anime from '99. None of that new digital shit ;) Good stuff, like 12 kingdoms story wise.

Now Watching Movies: Equilibrium, BoonDock Saints, King of the Hill s3vol1. I gotta say I'd been kinda wanting to see Equilibrium for a long time. Don't know why I waited so long now. That movie was pretty good. The Gun Kata, a fictious martial-art, was the sexiest thing I had seen in a long time. Volcano High has been released on domestic dvd now, so that means my Hong Kong bootleg just became worthless....

Events: Going to a 'con this year, if it effin' kills me!

http://www.freewebs.com/naka-kon/ Anime Con in Lawrence on the 17th of April. Free, all day Sunday. Anime, music, COSPLAY!!!! I am gathering my fellow Acolytes for the exodus now. Prepare your souls for the animated goodness!

http://www.mini-con.com/ Anime Con in Broken Arrow, OK. $10 at the door, $8 pre-reg. Artists Gallery and stuff. It is on the 9th of April. This one seems less likely for me to show up at, but I have an aunt that lives in Tulsa (I think) and a few other friends and relatives in the state, I will try to show up.

All above information via www.anime-cons.com


been screamin, cryin and moanin all week bout homework due tomorrow. Now I'm actually almost done. Go figure. Need to work on them stress management skillz. ;o It's wierd, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of takin care of myself. My normal mode is that of most computer nerds....Work or study, with 30 seconds or less delegated to care and feeding of the meat puppet.

Speaking of Computer nerds, went to a seminar yesterday. Told my job it was a "school function" and it WAS, dammit. ;) It got moved from the posted room, so I ended up waiting till 15 minutes before it was to start in the wrong place. Got back downstairs and nobody there. Wandered around for 5 minutes, wandered back in, and all of a sudden it was standing room only. Dean of my progam, a coupla instructors, and one classmate from the 2 year program I transferred out of were all the people I knew there. The rest of the room was filled with coders. UBERgeeks. ;) Man, I felt so overwhelmed by the knowledge in that room! Most of the stuff talked about during the presentation I only had a general knowledge of, all these guys and gals (yes, SEVERAL female geeks!) knew the stuff intimately. They were all also averaging 10+ years older than me, except for a coupla guys in the back. That made me feel slightly better. I tell you though, God is paying me back for not paying attention in my programming classes back in the 90's. Now that I need it, I don't have it. Screw it, I'm a hardware/management guy ;)

Anyhow, the presentation itself was very interesting. The hacking demonstration wasn't separate, but more along the lines of a powerpoint footnote. The speaker was interesting too, and the guy flew in on his own dime, which impressed me. He explained how current day hacking is less and less at the network level (getting harder and harder to do) and is now done at the web applications and software level...or a combination of software and hardware. Alot harder for "security professionals" to catch, cause this method bypasses common security procedures. I think I pissed him off cause I started having to work hard not to nod off near the end of his presentation. My excuse was I brought neither sugar nor caffeine to the presentation (was SUPPOSED to be provided) and so my eyes were starting to shut as he finished. Whatever you thought of me sir, it WAS a GREAT presentation. I learned alot. I learned that I have more to catch up on programming wise than I thought too. Some of the exploits he talked about were so simple and so commonplace it was scary. I also relearned that cookies are not your friend. Didn't win any of the free swag, which was disappointing, but I am gonna try to show up for these things more often....Here is the email I got about it, from my local AITP chapter:

http://www.wichitadevelopers.net/


March Meeting
Topic: Live Hacking Demo: Top Web App Attack Methods and How to Combat ThemSpeaker: Dennis Hurst, Senior Consulting Engineer, SPI DynamicsDate: March 24, 2005 3:00-5:00pm.

Web applications by nature are not static. Content is continually being altered and new features are added, in some instances on a very frequent basis. Each time the Web application is , a risk is imposed that the application will not be secure. Even the simplest of changes could produce a vulnerability that may pose a major threat to the assets of the company or, just as important, information about a company's customers.By taking advantage of the public access to a company through port 80 and 443 and using it to subvert your applications, hackers can gain easy access into your company's sensitive back-end data. Firewalls and IDS will not stop such attacks because hackers using the Web application layer are not seen as intruders.Watch and learn as top security experts from SPI Dynamics show you how to defend against attacks at the Web application layer with examples covering recent hacking methods such as SQL injection, cross-site scripting, parameter manipulation, session hijacking and LDAP injection.
Dennis Hurst is a senior security engineer for SPI Dynamics, the expert in web application security testing and assessment. In this role he is responsible for working with developers to educate them on the need for web application security and practical ways to protect web applications from hacking attacks.
With more than 15 years experience in the Information Systems/Application Development industry, he is an expert in system design, implementation and maintenance of complex multi-vendor, multi-platform computer applications and networks. He has extensive experience in planning developing and enhancing Internet systems as well as integrating Internet systems with legacy systems. For the past four years he has focused on developing tools to test and secure the HTTP protocol. He was the lead developer of SPI Dynamics’ flagship web application vulnerability assessment product, WebInspect™, during the initial years of the product’s development, and now works with other development organizations evangelizing the need to integrate security into the Software Development Lifecycle (SDLC).
Dennis is a Microsoft Certified Solution Developer (MSCD) and a Certified Novell Engineer (CNE) for version 3.x and 4.x. Furthermore, he has published articles and developed classes on the secure application development process. Dennis has spoken on the topic of secure coding practices at Software Development West 2004, Better Software 2004, WebSec 2003 and various user group chapter meetings. He has been published in asp.net PRO and on 15 Seconds http://www.15seconds.com/Issue/000612.htm.
Useful Links
MSDN Developers Centers
http://msdn.microsoft.com/developercenters
MSDN Webcasts
http://msdn.microsoft.com/training/webcasts
.Net Rocks!
http://www.franklins.net/dotnetrocks
SPI Dynamics
http://www.spidynamics.com
Location:
Friends UniversityBusiness & Tech. Building2100 W. University St.Wichita, KS 67213Ph: 316-295-5579Fx: 316-295-5130
(View Map)
(Campus Map)Building closest to Maple, between Seneca and Meridian
Date/Time:
March 24, 2005
3:00pm - 5:00pm
Food/Drink:
Snacks and drinks will be provided.Vending Machines Avail.
Prizes and Giveaways:
Microsoft has provided our user group with several giveaways. You must be in attendance to win.Ex: Visual Studio.Net, Wireless Keyboard, XBOX games, etc.

BAck to homework....

Monday, March 21, 2005

New Scientist Breaking News: Semen acts as an anti-depressant 

www.kungfoolx.com


Lotta stuff been happening. Finally went to an interview with Primerica, after they have been consistently calling every year for like the past 3 or 4. My brother got into that and had a bad time, so I have stayed away from it...seems like a pyramid scheme to me. I found the whole process bordering and very often crossing over into the absurd, but it kept me amused for a few minutes, and I used it as a stress free interview experience. The "interview process" asked for 5 references, and I would bet all my most valued possessions that that is how they get your number in the first place. These guys sure will do a lot to make money....We as a nation really should do something about this free enterprise capitalistic society crap. I think competition and stuff is a good thing, but the cutthroat & telemarketing tactics have GOT to go.

Went to class Sat. Got up all extra early @ 6:30 and everything. Still walked in 30 minutes late. Ah well. Screw it. It's not like I'm the only one. And half the class didn't show up this week, spring break plans I suppose. Our instructor for this module is taking the same class he's teaching (Research Methods) except while he's teaching Master's level, he's taking Doctorate level. I've been stressing and panicking all week trying to get my stuff I missed last week turned in, and it seems I've been stressed for nothing. I gotta say, that's what I like about Friends University. The work is hard enough, they seem to not try to make it any harder on you....most of the time. I am gonna have to either hump it or half ass it this week, cause I got so many papers due it's not even funny. 1)7-10 minute presentation on my research topic 2)Final paper on my research proposal topic 3)Data analysis in excel for a statistics problem we were assigned 4)Literature Review 5)Annotated Bibliography Besides all that, still trying to find a better job, pay for grad school, pay for new grad school books next week, etc. etc. Well, definetely living in interesting times, even if I don't always find them very interesting.

Went to SCA fighter practice Sunday. Fighter practice has gotten a LOT smaller, but most of the same people are there. Felt good to get out in the warm sunny weather and swing a pseudosword around for a while and shoot the shit. The new fighter marshall there is an old buddy of mine that I was in kenjutsu class with for a while. It seems he has kept the bullshit and drama out of fighter practice that is so prevalent to most social groups, especially ones dealing with SCA or LARPS or reenactments in general. I'm just happy to be able to be brash, crass and aggressive, without having to deal with stressful things like lawsuits or police ;) Being able to swap bruises with a bunch of like minded guys and gals, and then have a beer or two afterwards is what its all about. Had a problem doing that back when I ran with some of my old Larp groups, because many were not "fighter" types, but drama queens wanting to role play and get attention. Nothing wrong with role playing, mind you, but the drama got tired really really fast. May have made a contact tho, one of the fighters there (if I heard right) rebuilds transmissions for a living. He's not showing up next week, but I will have to pursue that.

Did some partying Sat nite, and met some really cool folks. My main problem has been that with grad school, being an introverted computer nerd, and life in general, I don't get out much. :) Compound that with the fact that I'm a wanderer like Kaine and tend to show up and genuinely want to help people and solve problems, I sometimes wonder how I don't get into trouble all the time. It seems that since I hang out with the goth and underground folks, I've had to re-learn my "polite" social skills. This has taken some doing, since I tend to be crass, semi-perverted, but upfront and truthful. Still, useful because when/if I ever land an upper management mega money job, the ability to tolerate douchbags will be important ;) Its much easier with car people, their ass-kissing is much more transparent. Egos and quick tempers lead to thrown wrenches and sugar in your gas tank. Getting back in touch with "polite" society, means that I get to see quips, slights, hurt feelings and veiled insults, which can be amusing to witness. Thankfully, none of that b.s. was at this party, although I was amused by how profuse apologies can become when someone thinks they hurt your feelings. We had some underage drinkers crash the party tho, which did suck. Beer is not THAT expensive, people. I met some cool folks, and got to shake my booty a bit before I left. Intelligent conversation, hot chicks, No hurt feelings and no fights. I call that a success. I do admire these folks for trying to be who they want to be, and (it was a masquerade ball) the costumes were FANTASTIC. Wish I had been able to hang with these boys and girls 5 years ago when I was still sorta heavy into this stuff.

Link time:
Webcomics:
The Order of The Stick An online comic for d&d type gamers. If you don't know what a d6 or d20 is, you may not understand the humor.
The Font Bandit @ deviant art An art chick I met @ a cafe a while ago. Really good art, and a fellow otaku (anime freak) Although I gotta say I have yet to meet an artist that sucks, I'm really liking a lot of the stuff she does
Livejournal user akbal Another cool person I've met that I consider in my "inner circle" of friends. This girl has some very interesting thoughts and experiences. She is soon to be quit of wichita, which is a good thing, but its sad to see her go....
sgvy.com Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yukie. A webcomic about a boy that gets turned into a girl that gets turned into a superhero. The chick that runs this webcomic is an accomplished writer and artist.

www.pennyarcade.com Penny Arcade. Written and Drawn by our very own Gabe & Tycho.

www.megatokyo.com Everyone knows about Piro. If you don't, go find out.

Researching Depression and drugs related to the affliction. The anti-depressant drugs seem really scary to me, but I'm thinking I might need to look into this further. the manic depression quiz....depressed me ;) But if it's an honest to god illness that makes it so hard for me to get up and get shit done, then I need to get it fixed, quick

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

So, been over a year since my last post. Would have been longer, except that almost all the people I'm meeting now are on livejournal. So, what the heck, I jump onto my old blogger account, and here it is. http://www.jasconius.net/ Is my link for the day. as well as http://www.digitalmars.com/d/index.html The D programming language, good stuff. I may reacquire a web presence, but for now, grad school and finding a GOOD job are keeping me way to busy. Complaining to myself takes up all the time that the first two dont ;)